thoughts at the end of the year

Only a few days left of 2011. On New Years Eve it’s easy to become philosophical … summing up the year that just passed … leafing through a new calendar … wondering what it may contain.

For me, it obviously started earlier this year.

I was sitting here, thinking all kinds of thoughts about my life — what I’d done with the fifty six years that have passed … what I had accomplished. I couldn’t come up with anything. I don’t have any children — that was never a goal of mine because I never felt the urge to reproduce myself. At least I don’t have to regret that.

There were so many things I wanted to do, but I wanted to be so damned good at everything so I quit when I realized I wasn’t all that good. I’m good at quitting, though [except smoking].

I always wanted to have a nice hand-writing. Thought everybody else wrote so beautiful, but not I. Finally I tried to imitate somebody else’s handwriting which only caused me to lose my own in the long run. Kept finding other ones that I copied and so on.

Took an evening course in calligraphy a number of years ago. It was hard, but I thought I’d be able to create those snazzy, hand-written cards on thick paper that you see sometimes. I’m left-handed and the teacher told me it looked like I was holding some surgical instrument instead of a pen. I held out for two terms, though.

I wanted to learn Hebrew, but that, I never even started!

At least I think I’m a decent human being. I’ve worked hard, I’m not a criminal [I’ve stolen a few ash trays and towels, though! This post is brutally honest … I’m very brave, very courageous!], I’ve never been consciously mean to anybody.

Sometimes I have mixed emotions about this whole blogging business. There are days when I’m very conscientious about what I write … like as though I were afraid of what people might think?! …like if someone I know in real life would read/care about what I type every day on this little blog. Well … the risk of them doing so, increases if I post this to Facebook, so I think I’ll abstain from that with this. Other days — like this evening — I approach it with a «devil-may-care» attitude and that feels good.

All these thoughts were going through my mind when a comment on my previous post popped up in my mail box. I clicked on the commenter’s profile and started to read their blog … posts here and there, a little randomly. One paragraph stood out, like as though it were written in fire:  «You are a victim of your past, or you are future force to be reckoned with. I know which I am. Do you ? » Some caramel to suck on, huh!

Blogging can be quite marvellous sometimes! This morning, I read The Quotidian Hudson, as usual and a quote he had put in there has lingered with me all day [by a fellow country man, Carl Sandburg]: “Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.” Ahhh…the wonders of blogging — sometimes it really can be food for thought.