when sleep won’t come

Last night, I just couldn’t fall asleep. Somehow, I sensed it almost right away, that this would be one of those nights. The humidity is pretty high so that didn’t help.

For the longest time, I remained in bed and my thoughts kept wandering. I even thought about blogging, and what if I’d come up with a topic that everyone is interested in … I mean, really interested — so that they’d flock to my blog, waiting for the next post LOL ! In one way, it would be kind of cool — I’d get lots of comments to reply to. My next thought was ‘what would people really be interested in??’ If I knew the answer to that one, I’d really have it made.

When you live in a big place, you easily get the impression that they’re only interested in themselves and if you’re in a small village they seem to be interested in other people … their neighbours. The smaller the place, the higher the level of gossip. I remember a couple I used to know … each Saturday, they went to have supper with his mother, a few kilometres away from where they lived. She suggested to him that they should start taking a walk there instead of taking the car … so that perhaps the heavy supper would settle on their walk back. He thought about this, and said ‘no’, he couldn’t do that … not because he didn’t want to but because they’d had to walk past the farmer’s house and then the farmer would think they had been drinking and couldn’t take the car.

That little story goes to show how people care about other people’s thoughts in really small places … whereas in a big city nobody would care at all! Both concepts of living have their advantages I guess — the freedom of doing whatever you feel like in the big city, compared to the sense of security you get in the small place, where everybody knows one another. The loneliness that the anonymity could bring … you’re never as lonely as in a big crowd … the annoyance of constantly being judged in the little ‘fish bowl’, where people never forget.

I’ve tried them both. Well … not a really big city, of course but still … fairly big. My home-town is small … the mentality there used to be like the little village, almost. With the job I had, I knew a tremendous amount of people. Being away for a few years causes you to lose the grip and of course, as time goes by you age too. Once I moved back there after four years, and it took quite some time to get back into the swing of things … but I did, eventually.

It sort of tickles my mind to think about what it’s like to live in an immense city like New York City. I would think that when it’s such a huge place and so many people, it must be broken down to smaller units … blocks, perhaps. When you watch TV-shows like Seinfeld or DOC [the one with Billy Ray Cyrus] you easily get the impression that it’s all so friendly and they all know one another 🙂

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14 thoughts on “when sleep won’t come”

  1. That is just how I feel about WordPress. I am the little fish in a very big bowl. Will anyone ever take any notice of the fact that I am there at all.
    Like you I wonder what I can write that will attract more people but I am no good at making things up.It has to be true and comes from my heart.
    Yes I have a few followers but nothing in comparison to other bloggers. I often wonder if I am wasting my time and energy. Then I remember that I am writing for ME. I am purely putting my thoughts onto paper and allowing others to read them.
    So I write for me alone. I do worry about the lack of responses as unfortunately I am not able to rely on my and friends any longer.to booster my visitor numbers.
    I loved your blog and I am so sorry that you were not able to sleep ( I thought maybe it is the excitement of your forthcoming visit to Sweden)
    I do hope that you will sleep better tonight.
    Love P

    1. Right now, I feel good about my blog here in WP. Thanks to the Daily Post challenge, I get a certain number of comments every day … just about as much as I can handle and feel comfortable with. Had it not been for the Daily Post, I think this would have been a rather lonely experience. I wouldn’t want to get hundreds a day … you lose that personal feeling. Was merely pondering what would really interest people in general … and do I have anything to say that could be of any interest to anybody else?! I remember what it was like in a sort of blogging community I belonged to a few years back … where you felt obliged to comment — I don’t want that to happen again or anyone to feel that way about mine.

      The trip is still three months away, so I think it was merely the humidity 🙂

      Thank you so much for your comment!

  2. must be a ‘virus’ going around. I saw 3am before sleep came. But I had no great thoughts like yours though! Good post.

    I can think of several stories about people in my town and how they worried what others would think. Or one lady who knew every bit of gossip! And she did. I find it sad that in my town people are judged by who they are friends with, how they dress, their politics. It is not good. As a result, there are a couple of businesses I no longer go to. People should be judged by the kind of person they are, not their politics.

    Never lived in a big city but I enjoy being in one. Nice to eat out with a friend or two and be able to talk freely without looking to see who is near you! And if they are listening!

    I like the energy of a city. And being anonymous.

    1. I have lived in both: Atlanta and Sallis, MS…not even in town but 3 miles away on a farm surrounded by other members of the family.

      Everyone knew everything about your life. I no longer assign terms as “good” or “bad” to this.

      Huntsville is about 170k and I guess that is medium sized. Our little block…I know about 5 of the folks around me but very little about the rest of the circle. It works but sometimes becomes confining as well.

      I would go back to the farm. I like being alone. I dream of building a little cabin there since we did not take care of my mom’s house and it is not really liveable now.

      Sorry you couldn’t sleep. This topic was interesting :^)….wordpress brings us the people we need, don’t you think?

      1. Linda, No, I don’t think there are any right or wrongs … good or bads on this subject either. It’s a matter also of in which phase of life you’re in. A smaller place could be good to raise a family in, and so on..

        In this big building, with 160 units, I can’t say I know anyone but I recognize quite a few from the laundry … we say hi and talk in the elevator about the weather 🙂 It’s all good..

    2. Julie, I haven’t lived in any big city either, but ones large enough to be anonymous. Where I am now is ideal — nobody would care here about how you’re dressed. Yes, in a perfect world people should only be judged because of the kind of person they are…

  3. Hi,
    I live 6km or just under 4 miles from the city heart, in a nice suburb, even though I have only been here in this suburb for a few years, I do know a lot of people in the street, all very nice people, but we do not intrude into each others lives, but will have a chat if passing by etc. I agree city life is a lot different than living in country areas, but I think it’s great that we have that choice, and can choose which suits us the best.

    Some very interesting stats from WordPress. Really amazing when you think about it.
    http://en.wordpress.com/stats/

    1. Mags, That sounds like you’ve ended up in an ideal place … that’s the way it should be. Yes, it’s good when we have a choice … I, at one point, found myself feeling a little TOO anonymous in the place I was, so I just packed up and moved back home 🙂 That was the right thing to do then, and I’m happy I did.

  4. Funny you should bring this up Rebekah, because only last night the hub and I were talking about the very same thing.
    We moved from the anonymity of a city of just over a million people to a little seaside fishing town with a population of 800, where most people know each other; we’re not sure which we prefer! Both have advantages and disadvantages as you say.
    Hope you sleep better tonight!

    1. Barb, That is really to go from one extremity to another! Wow.. Quebec was about a million people, but we never had any sense of that as we lived in a suburb of sorts. Once, I lived in a small house, very isolated out … almost in the forest, and that’s one thing I know I can’t handle again. I need street lights.

  5. It’s hard to know which to choose sometime. Both, of course, have their upside and downside. I must say, having lived in big cities, and now in the country, I don’t miss the city at all, at all. But their are times when i feel the isolation of the country.

    1. Joss, Yeah … I too have moved more than I almost care to remember and for all kinds of reasons. They were right then, I don’t think there are any right or wrong decisions … they are just … *decisions*. Saint John is good for me … I appreciate it a lot.

  6. Cities are different from each other. I was much more anonymous in LA than here in NY. We are creatures of the street and subway and not the car, and, as I was always tell people we are very provincial (thus to the other 4 boroughs, Manhattan is “The City”). Tell a Brooklynite that Queens is a better borough and you are in for a long discussion of how wrong you are!. I live in the second or third most populous zip code in the country, I think, and yet the same 100 families in my apartment building see me,daily and weekly, happy, unhappy, figthing or laughing and they know what is going on with us.

    1. Thank you! …this was interesting reading — I don’t know anyone in real life who lives there … only online buddies.

      10162 seems to be the most populated, on the upper West Side. I figured you live fairly close to the river..

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