Before going to sleep last night, I read this topic suggestion in The Daily Post. Sure needed to sleep on that one.
It’s all so individual and differs from one situation to another, but broken trust is like anything else that breaks … a cup, a bowl… if you try to put it together with glue it might look the same, but in your heart it will always be broken. You might want to be trusting again, but there’s always the nagging, little voice in your head whispering ‘it happened once — it might very well happen again‘.
The classical example of broken trust is, of course, being betrayed by your spouse. I haven’t been in that situation myself, but I’ve often thought about it. I know that’s where there would be no way back for me personally. I’ve seen married people cheating on their spouses … even going into new relationships with that as a base. How can you trust a person who was cheating on another in order to be with you?! Can you build a new marriage on other people’s misery?
This topic inevitably leads to the issue of Forgive & Forget. That’s a huge topic and a rather philosophical one. ‘Forget’, you can’t of couse, unless you come down with amnesia, but you can move on, and ‘Forgive’ … well, yeah! up to a point. Who am I to judge, anyway?
The ‘Forget’-part is more about letting go. I’ve had a hard time with that … I’ve carried around a lot of anger, because I have a good memory. The person in question might not even remember the issue, so it was rather wasted. I was the only one dealing with all this anger, hurting myself instead of the one it should have been channeled towards.
For many years I felt hate [such a strong word I rarely use] towards my first husband, for reasons I won’t go into here. It would be too long a blog, but it’s a good example of letting go. After more than twenty years after our divorce, he found me on Facebook (!). He wrote me a message … asking how things were going and so on. I thought long and hard about whether to reply, but curiosity got the best of me so I did … telling him I was no longer in Sweden.
He answered back and told me he’d had a stroke so he was in a wheel-chair, had cancer in the lymphatic nodes, he was on chemo, his kidneys were shutting down «so I guess I got what I deserved!». That last part of the statement startled me … I saw the whole issue I’d had with him … how futile it seemed in the light of all this … and it felt like the weight of all that hate that I’d felt towards him was physically lifted off me! Not so much because of his being seriously ill and all that but because it was the first time he’d recognized that he’d even done something wrong.
This happened a year or two ago, I wrote about it in some other blog I had at the time, and I don’t know how he is today … if he’s alive or not. It sure made me stop and think! How much energy I’d wasted on all this hate, and how I really have to work on the ‘letting-go-concept’.
To sum up this post … I have a hard time being trusting again once the trust has been broken.